Frequent Traveler

OK, give credit where credit is due: At least the nice old lady on the first flight never stopped serving drinks, unlike the comparably young maidens on AA who serve two drinks and retire to the galley to read US Weekly. On the other hand, it was only after the fourth one that I realized it’s the same stuff I used to drink at the $1 well night in college. May be a long night too. The sandwich, served frozen, was edible, but what they call salad is a very strange concoction of white red and green foodstuffs I have never seen or tasted before. They don’t taste good whatever they are. The main problem with the meal though is that it was served on a used paper placemat that stuck to anything that touched it. After “ungluing” my tray, I threw it on the floor and tried to kick it to the row behind me, only to have it stick to my shoe. The “brownie” looked like something dog might have…oh never mind–let’s just say there are now at least three reasons I could be sick tomorrow.

Fortunately, the flying ended with a big bouncy THUD at ATL and I was able to run to the Crown Room at B25 for a quick email download in between flights. The Crown room looks kind of like an unemployment office, only more crowded with louder, uglier people, and with less seating. I finally found an office chair but the lumps that pierced me in odd places made me decide to stand. At first I thought it was the cheap gin, but was later able to confirm the chair seat had at least a 20 degree longitudinal angle.

Internet speed could be described as glacial–so much so that by the time ESPN.com loaded I was left with no time to grab the email.

I am now on the flight to RIC… I never thought I would say this about anything, but Northwest might actually make this airline better. On the plus side, I saved my company $500, so I guess it was all worth it.

I am sitting in 2D on DL ### to Atlanta. The first class flight attendant is 102 years old, which is 4 years younger than the plane itself. The last time it was refurbished, based on the “decor” may have been in during the Nixon administration. I hope the guy in front of me doesn’t even think about reclining. It could require knee surgery. This is First Class?

My fellow passengers are as old and nasty as the plane, and slightly less well dressed. The lady next to me, in a hot pink jumpsuit, brought a pig in a blanket to eat on board, which is making me nauseous. Makes me miss the Southwest crowd.

The overhead bin seems to be growing fungus. I will have to destroy my luggage and its contents in order to avoid bringing a bio hazard into our house.

At least I can appreciate the artwork tastefully drawn into the seatback by generations of travelers before me.

The 102 year old flight attendant just addressed me as 2D. What ever happened to “sir”?

Oh, by the way, we are not done boarding yet. This is going to be a long flight…